Usually I dont get very wordy or personal on the blog, but hey... just putting this out there. I believe that if you put your goals in writing, you visualize more and commit more and it will happen.
Most of you reading my blog know about my weight loss struggles and if you don't, you are about to! I was always the fat girl. Well... to put it nicely I was heavyset. Still sucks the same. From the time I was 4, or as early as I can remember, I was not just chubby but obese. But, I loooooooooved me some apple stack cake and I guess food became my friend. I didn't have a sad childhood or anything like that, so I don't know... I guess I just loved food a bit too much and it was in my genes which didn't help.
Throughout my school years I really struggled with my weight. I quickly became tagged with the nicknames Butterball, Mt. Mitchell (my maiden last name was Mitchell), and anything else you could think of. Yeah it hurt. Yeah I came home crying off the bus more times than I could count. But, inside that shy little girl was ME.
In 8th grade I had a tiny taste of what it was like to be a normal weight. Sadly it didn't last long. I had taken Phen Fen and lost 50 pounds in about 4 months and was staying active with karate and softball, but I quit the sports and the medication was too risky... I gained it back x 2. FAST.
I have always joked that I could look at a cupcake and gain 5 pounds and really some days it feels that way. Seeing people who can eat whatever they want when they want and never work out but yet stay thin makes me envious to say the least.
I hit my all time high with my weight battle while I was pregnant with my son. Tipping the scales (more like crushing the scales) at 330 pounds, I was humiliated. Ashamed, embarrassed, and any other word of the like... How could I let myself get to that? I said I would never go over 200... well I flew right past it and was well on my way to 400 pounds. I only gained about 30 pounds with my 2nd pregnancy so it wasn't like it was all baby!
After I had Jayden I only came back down to 313. Now... I take blame for this. I didn't ever eat right... horrible food choices....horrible portions and to top it off excercise was non existent. I was waiting for some quick fix to take me back down. I think my breaking point was when the plus size clothes no longer fit. Most plus size stores went up to a 26-28 and they were too tight. At 23 years old, I was not living my life. Not for myself. Not for my kids. I was extremely lucky to not have horrible side effects of being so big.
A few months after my son was born, I decided to attend a seminar on Weight Loss Surgery. After meeting with the surgeons and going to the seminar, I felt that the Lap Band was the right tool for me to help boost my weight loss. I was serious about losing weight but felt so desperate and that I needed something to help me. I needed help and the help came in the form of surgery.
Three years later, I have mixed feelings on the Lap Band. I had my surgery in Nov 2006 at Blount Memorial. I followed the rules to a t and stuck to my liquid diet, then mushies, then solids, and quickly started dropping the weight. It was falling off and I was LOVING it. Finally... a glimmer of hope. Now I have lost and gained weight a million times before and I knew that it would take excercise too. I also knew the probability of having bad hanging skin issues was pretty high and hoped that possibly excercise would help tone. So, I hit the gym. I became somewhat of a regular at the classes at Court South... marching my
biggest butt in the room in there!
And....at a year out I was down 100 pounds. I have attached a picture of me with my surgeon! I can't describe the joy that I felt. While the Lap Band gave me a tool to reduce my portions, I still worked my ass off (literally) to lose some of my weight. The Lap Band never really worked as it was described for me though. Instead of making me feel full off of a small portion, I get stuck. Physically the food gets lodged in the opening of my stomach. I still deal with this on a daily basis. It sounds horrible, but I compare it to forced bulemia... not to make light of an eating disorder but seriously it is pretty frustrating.
Last year, my band got to a point where everything was stuck. The doctors thought that it may have slipped off of my stomach, so we did a complete unfill for a while...basically meaning I should have no restriction and would be able to eat like a normal person. And....that is exactly what I did.
I had gotten to a point where I was comfortable. I hadn't reached my goal of 150 yet but it was in sight. I was at 209 at my lowest and was feeling amazing. I guess life got in the way and me and the gym became past friends. It had been so long since I could eat normal and my body had gotten used to such a small amount of calories per day it was holding onto any fat I had... When I started eating normal again... the weight quickly came back.
Not all of it. As of a few weeks ago I had gained back around 35 pounds. I am so mad at myself for gaining some back. I started slipping back into my previous food choices and the band is still a frustration more than a help right now. I cannot physically eat some healthy foods when I want to. For instance, grilled chicken... Love it, but physically it will not "go down" all the time. Neither will alot of fruits, some veggies, beans, etc. What goes down easy.. junk. It is a constant battle to find something healthy to eat that will go down and not give up and reach for the easy food. At this point, the band is a detriment to my success but I cannot put all the blame on that. I do take full responsibility for my choices. I can't blame it on my divorce, moving out of my house, being a single mom and sole provider for the kids... those are struggles I have but so do many other people and truly I am blessed.
About a month ago, I decided that enough was enough. I am NOT gaining any more back. I am going to reach my goal. But first, mini goals. My brother has been acting as my Personal Trainer... he knows his stuff about that.. has the certification or whatever they get. I will say it is a challenge having your brother be your PT. I can't cheat without him knowing about it. LOL. This past week has been a struggle with the crazyiness of a photographer's October and such but I am determined.
See... my first mini goal is to wear those jeans my a$$ looked soooo good in last year. I am going to wear them on Christmas. That is my Christmas present to myself.
When I first began my weight loss journey, one of my non scale related goals was to ride a roller coaster. For years I had avoided them. I LOVE roller coasters. I am an adrenaline junkie for things like that. But, I couldn't imagine the humiliation that I would have felt if I had of waited in line and then been told in front of all those people that I was too big to ride. Last year I finally rode again. My sister and I were at Dollywood and I got up the nerve to wait in line and I fit!
So, the entire point of this post is I WANNA RIDE... I am going to plan a trip to
Cedar Point and ride everything I can... and I am gonna wear my goal jeans too.
I am sure there are going to be ups and downs and I will probably fall of my wagon a million times but I will get back on.
